Uncle Sam's rich Jester

Uncle Sam, 16 A.D., is battling Noseybonk.
"Get away, you criminal scum!" shouted Uncle Sam
"Never! Never unless you make me president of the United States!" shouted Noseybonk, in an eerie voice.
"NO!" screamed Uncle Sam as the knife caught him in the heart.
"Giggidy giggidy giggidy!" Laughed Noseybonk, taking a crap on Jane.

The Jester's bagged piper

"Come on me man! There's work to be done!" said the grimmed toe nail licker, sitting on Slenderman. "Oh please!" bosted Uncle Sam's Jester, "I am Uncle Sam's ROYAL Jester!" "I bet you are," speeched the grimmed toe nail licker. Eventually they made it to Summerland ketchup marby, the worst place on Earth. "Help!" Screamed a girl. A giant long white thing with nostrils was on her ******. "Oh my god!" Said Uncle Sam's Jester, "Noseybonk got her!"

WHO LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP!?

"I see you!" Said a strangely familiar voice, Uncle Sam's Jester turned around to get his head cut off by Noseybonk. "You loose! HEHEHEHEHEHE!" gurgled Noseybonk, also slicing the grimmed toe nail licker's head off.